lightness

We are home.  The beautiful mountains surround us, and all the rain we missed as we enjoyed sunny Saskatchewan, has brought green lushness to the valley.  The sun shone brightly today, and for the first time in two months, I put on my running shoes and went to walk the mountain.  It was a beautiful morning, and a gentle doe watched me as I tackled the big hill, encouraging me with her gentle presence.  When I turned around to go back, she had disappeared.  A quiet gift, on a summer morning.  For the first time since I was pregnant with Luka, there is lightness.  In my heart and in my thoughts.  Michael and I had the best trip home we have ever had in our married life.  Every moment, and every visit, was profound and relaxing.  We laughed, cried, remembered, and philosophized about life, death, joy and sorrow.  Something has shifted.  It happened slowly, but on Luka's birthday, Michael and I both felt at peace. We took a beautiful walk in Wanuskewin Park,  a First Nations sacred territory.  The wind was blowing, and it was lighlty raining. There was no one else on the trail, Luka's gift to us.  We walked in the wind, took in the beauty of the land, and remembered our daughter coming into the world.  As I stood on the prairies, where you can see for miles, I felt my heart soften.  In the gift shop, we bought a piece of art, to remember our daughter and celebrate our journey of this year.  In the evening, we gathered with family and friends, ate fish and chips, and strawberries and whipped cream.  As the setting sun streamed in, and the laughter of little children echoed throughout the living room, I knew that Luka's spirit was playing in the lightness of our hearts.  It was perfect.  Now that we are at home, I am ready for the next chapter in our lives to unfold.  Yes, I want to be pregnant.  But I don't know when it will happen, and I need to live my life.  My goal is to try and live in the moment as much as possible.  We have spent the whole year living in the past and hoping for the future.  And that was how it needed to be.  And now, my focus is the now.  Beauty. Laughter. Love. And Light.  I share with you all, some of the beauty and lightness we encountered on this very healing journey. Thank you to all who have supported us and loved us through a very difficult year.