epiphany

It's an amazing feeling when you have an epiphany.  According to the dictionary,  epiphany is: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple occurrence or experience.   It has been that kind of weekend.  On Friday night, Michael and I went to a benefit concert in Vancouver, with our friends Michelle and Ashley.  It was a night of great music, and honouring the beautiful life of a young woman who lost her battle to cystic fibrosis last year.  Her name was Eva, and her life and legacy is an inspiration to the world.  After waiting years for a double lung transplant, she received a set of new lungs, only to have her body reject them after two years.  She died in February last year.  She blogged about her life with cystic fibrosis right up to her death.  It is one of the most powerful and life inspiring stories I have ever encountered.  At the intermission, Michael went to get a bottle of water.  Behind the counter was the cardiologist who had treated Luka in the hospital.  He must have been volunteering for this amazing cause.  It was very strange and surreal to see him out of context, and for a minute I questioned if it was truly him.  But, I know it was.  He was the first person to examine and talk to us about Luka.  He was kind and optimistic, not to mention very good looking.  How could I forget?  The concert was amazing.  Wonderful musicians, deep thinking lyrics, and an energy in the theatre that was transformative.  The power of love.  The effect one person can have on so many people.  I couldn't help but think of Luka - the power of her love, and the love we had for her.   On the drive home, talking with Michelle and Ashley,  I realized how much I have grown in the past seven months.  To understand loss, is also to fully experience joy. And the universe keeps reminding me of that. Saturday morning we rolled out of bed, and went to see the acupuncturist.  I went to see her in September to help me heal from my surgery, and it helped enormously.  We're going to see her now to help us get ready for a new pregnancy.  To heal our pain and open our hearts to the process of beginning a new life.  As I lay there with needles in my whole body,  I repeated my mantra in my head, and opened up my body to the universe for healing.  It wasn't until I was at home, soaking in the bath, when my epiphany came to me.  Lately,  I have been in impatient mode.  Wanting everything now.  Buying a beautiful journal and not using it because I am saving it for my next pregnancy.  And I suddenly realized that I need to begin some deep and true healing.  To use my journal as a healing journal. To cleanse my body and prepare it for a new life. To love me.  I need to begin the journey to move forward.  I will continue to remember, love and honour Luka.  Always.  But, this weekend has opened a new chapter in my journey.  To embrace the now, and so that when spring arrives,  I am ready with a healthy body, and a whole heart. 

 

The following is a link to Eva's blog: 

http://65redroses.livejournal.com/

 and if you're not an organ donor, please register to be one.