chopping vegetables

It's about an hour until ten people arrive for a dinner party celebrating Michael's birthday.  It's an evening of celebrating being alive and new friendships.  I've spent the whole day cooking and getting ready for the festivities.  It's been a very hard week emotionally, and I am excited to be with people tonight, drink wine, and feast on ginger carrot soup, lasagna, and pistachio gelato.  As I was cooking today,  I thought of Luka and her presence in my life even though she is not with me in the physical sense.  Everyone who is coming to dinner tonight, was part of her life and has made an influence on our lives.  Without Luka we would not have developed the friendships we now have.  It's been a long time since I've had a dinner party, and I've forgotten how much I love to cook.  Listening to music and chopping carrots, I remembered how my nieces had nicknamed Luka "baby carrot" when she was in my belly.  The memory made me smile.  All this week I've been missing her so deeply.  I'm not sure if it's been the weather change, or my body's memory of her growing inside of me last year.  There's been lots of snow on the mountain, and Michael finally put on his snow tires.  Our landlords and friends have been so great in lending us their vehicle, and just being there for us when we need them.  It wasn't until last night that the sadness lifted.  I went to Vancouver with Michelle and attended a fundraiser for Growing Chefs, a program where chefs go into elementary schools and teach kids about growing their own food.  We ate great food, laughed, and talked about the challenges and rewards of life.  It was great to get out of Chilliwack, and shake the darkness of the week.  I can't wait to share another pregnancy and birth with Michelle. Lately, I've been visualizing giving birth to my next baby.  I can't wait for that moment and the feeling of deep joy and gratitude.  I will never forget my little Luka, but I look forward to bringing another life into this world.  I have a feeling Luka's little spirit has been hanging around as I cooked dinner.  There was this wonderful optimistic energy as I created a meal for the people who knew her and loved her as much as I did.  She needed to be part of it.  Here's to you my baby carrot.  This dinner is in honour of you.