saying goodbye to January

I've decided I'm going to have a welcome February party.  At the moment I don't know what that will look like.  It might be me just standing out in the sun, (when it arrives) and dancing,  or I might invite all my friends over for dinner so we can toast to the soon arrival of spring.  All I know now, is that January is almost over, and I gladly say goodbye.  It's been a very challenging month, and I have gone through a whirlwind of emotions.  Luka's always on my mind, and the journey of her little life remains as strong in my mind and heart as it did six months ago.  I can't believe it's already been six months.  What would she be like if she were alive?  Pretty darn cute,  I would think.  But I can't allow myself to think about that, because it isn't my reality.  This last week, has been one of the best weeks emotionally I've had in a long time.  I had a good week with my students at school; we made bread, created imaginary creatures, watched the movie Because of Winn Dixie and ate egg salad sandwiches.  It was a fun week, and when I see the students engaged and laughing, it reminds me of why I love teaching.  I went to yoga for the first time since before Christmas, which also reminded me of why I love it so much.  It is the ultimate massage for the body, emotionally and physically.  I'm still sore two days later, but I can't wait to go again next week.  We've kept busy this month.  Last weekend we went to Vancouver to have dinner at Vij's, and had a great time with our friends Michelle and Ashley.  It's nice to have such great friends who allow us to just be where we need to be through this healing journey.  While we were in Vancouver,  I bought a new journal, which I hope will be my next pregnancy journal.  Even though I'm not pregnant yet, it just spoke to me.  It's nice to think that there will be a new pregnancy I can write about.  Part of me is scared to even think about journaling about a new little being.  I wrote all through my pregnancy with Luka, and I have yet to read it.  I'm scared it will send me over the edge emotionally, and I don't need to go there right now.  This week I was watching American Idol with Michael, and there was a contestant who's fiance was in a car accident and suffered a severe brain injury.  He stayed with her, and he shared the love he had for her.  Unconditional love.  The love you have for another, with no doubt or questions.  The love I have for Luka, and will always have for her.  The love I have for my husband, and will always have for him.  Luka's ashes sit on our dresser, and every so often, I pick up her little butter dish that serves as her urn, and I kiss it.  Remind her I am here, and I wish I could hold her in the physical sense.  Remind her January is almost over, and spring is around the corner. Remind her soon she will have a brother or sister.  It will happen.  I have to believe it will.  The sun is supposed to shine tomorrow, and all next week.  Hello, February.  Nice to finally see you.