It's been two years since you came into this world. Hard to believe, yet so easy to remember. It's strange how the memories of your birth are still so strong after all of this time. I can still remember details, smells, feelings, emotions, and touch- like it just happened. I miss you. I miss your soft skin, your tiny curls of hair, and your gentle energy. It's been a hard year, Luka. Harder than the first. I thought it was supposed to get easier, but the pain of losing you is still so strong. We've tried a couple of times to give you a brother or sister, but their souls didn't feel ready to enter this world just yet. It's rainy today, but still warm. I imagine you with a purple rain jacket and polka dot boots playing in the puddles, your light blonde hair getting curly with the moisture like Mommy's. If you were here, there would be lots of balloons, and a cake, that I would attempt to bake. It would look a little sloppy because I'm not a perfectionist, but Daddy would spend the time making it just so. But you're not here, and I have to live in the now, so we're going to have friends over for dinner, and remember your little spirit with laughter and good food. We just came back from the ocean, where we watched the waves, walked the sandy beaches, and watched kites dance in the wind. You were everywhere. In the sunset, in the tiny footprints of children along the beach, and in the tall tall trees which I know are protecting you and keeping you safe. As I watched the other children running and playing on the beach I was angry with the universe for not giving you the chance to experience the life we wanted for you. But I take comfort that you are no longer in pain, and that you are dancing and laughing in the wind. We came home from our trip to find out that Sassy, our favorite dog, left this world yesterday to come join you. After you died, on those horrible dark days, Sassy was our saving grace. Walking her gave us the ability to trust and find joy again. We will miss her, but I know you will take good care of her, and go on lots of adventures together. Make sure you have a big stick for her to carry. Even though this year has been challenging, there have been many gifts you have sent our way. Wonderful friendships have blossomed. We have a beautiful house we love and feel completely at home in. Our little kitty Willow, gives us so much joy and laughter. We want a brother or sister for you Luka, and that is proving to be more difficult than we had anticipated. But we're not giving up.
I have to start cooking dinner now. We look forward to honouring your little spirit tonight. And although there will be no cake with candles, your little light still burns bright in our hearts.
Happy Birthday, little one.
Love, with both our hearts
Mom and Dad