Sunday, April 7, 2013
Rain. The robins are singing, the leaves on the trees are showing their buds, and the smell of spring is in the air. Anticipation. Hope. Excitement. Feelings that are ever present in my daily life, as I wait for the birth of our baby boy in June. Of course there are all the other emotions. Worry, fear, the what if's. And the memories. Every day a new one comes rushing back, when I least expect it. I've been pretty relaxed this pregnancy, more than I was with Luka's, but as my belly grows and I start to think about birth, tears easily flow. Birth. Something I planned and dreamed of with Luka, and now as I think about birthing this baby, I have to keep reminding myself that it will not be the same. I'm planning a natural birth at the hospital, and I really hope to have a VBAC. But, another part of me just wants the baby out, and quickly to avoid any crazy complications or problems. At the beginning of this pregnancy, I didn't want to get too attached to the growing life inside me and I tried with all my might to stay neutral. We weren't going to buy anything for baby until just before, or after. But as I feel the strong kicks and movements of this growing boy, I have fallen completely in love. And, with all my heart and soul, I pray he comes into this world healthy and strong. As much as I don't like to compare, this pregnancy has felt so different from Luka's. I'm much bigger, this baby is super active, and I don't have the constant anxiety I did with Luka. Yesterday, we went and bought a stroller, which was a huge step. Returning the car seat and stroller after Luka died, was very difficult. I really hope we get to use our new one this time. I only have seven weeks left of teaching and then I begin my maternity leave. I know it's going to come quickly, and I need to embrace the now, and be thankful spring has arrived, the days are getting longer, and my belly is getting bigger. Today, I'm going to clean out the pantry, make turkey soup, and go for a walk in the rain. April showers brings May flowers. I'm going to enjoy as much as I can the last few months of being round. I have to believe that in just over two months the sun will be shining, and we will be bringing home Luka's little brother, our newborn bundle of joy.