to be a father

The weekend is half over, and I'm up fairly early to watch the top of the mountains dance in the sunlight. We've had so little sun the last couple of weeks, but yesterday was a perfectly clear day, and this morning the sun is doing it's best to peek out through the clouds.  It's been a busy week.  Report cards are done and sent out, and I spent most of my week trying to figure out costumes for twenty-four Grade three children for the Christmas musical.  I could write a whole blog on the chaos of elementary schools at Christmas time, but that's for another time.  Last night,  I went out with my girlfriends, while Michael went to the Santa Clause parade with a friend and his three children.  When I went to pick him up at the end of the evening, he was sitting on the couch, and our friend's daughter was curled up beside him.  Children just gravitate to him, because he's so easy to fall in love with.  I love watching Michael with children.  He has a natural and beautiful way of being with them.  This past week has been challenging for him at school, and I wish he knew how much he influences his students, and how wonderful a teacher he really is.  But I know that his biggest wish right now is to be a father.  He was so looking forward to having a baby to hold and love.  His heart has been broken, and I wish I could fix it.  This week he found a studio space,  so that he can start creating and exploring his artistic side once again.  When he came home from viewing the space, he seemed lighter.  Optimistic.  Excited for change.  Michael is a gifted teacher, but his passion lies in being an artist and performer. He is loving, creative, playful, and open to all possibilities.  The same qualities that made and will make him a wonderful father.   He has been the most supportive and loving husband, and our relationship has grown so much stronger since the death of our baby girl.  After I was released from the hospital in July, we made a pact that we wouldn't let this whole experience ruin our relationship and our love for each other.  And we've stuck to it.  Yesterday, while I was getting my hair done, my hairdresser told me that she thinks it's wonderful that Michael and I are doing so much to help us heal.  We have been trying our best to move through our lives in the best ways possible.  Yoga, exercise, cooking, cultivating new friendships, crying together, laughing together, and thanking the universe for it's many gifts.  Michael has opened up his heart to new adventures, new possibilities, and the cards are slowly starting to fall into place for him.  And as they fall into place, I know that one of those cards will grant him his wish to be a father again.