Monday, September 3, 2012

mountain climbing

It's a beautiful Labour Day morning, and the rainbow light from our crystal is dancing across our dining room wall, while Willow, our cat, tries unsuccessfully to capture it.  Tomorrow begins another school year, and as I think about all the new things that are to come,  I have also been thinking about this summer.  It's been just two years since Luka died, and I finally feel like myself again.  Grief is not linear.  There are no clear steps or stages.  I believe it's different for everyone.  Losing Luka took part of my soul away, and to be honest, I didn't think it would return.  But there has been a shift this summer, and I feel like I am returning to life, opening up my heart, and realizing how wonderful it is to be alive.  At the end of the school year, in June, I was a mess.  Exhausted, unhealthy, having heart palpitations, full of anxiety and depressed.  I had lost myself, in a hard, emotional, and difficult year.  And by mid July, I knew things had to change.  I went back to the acupuncturist, saw a massage therapist, and began to exercise again.  Exercise. What a glorious thing! As hard as it is to start, when you get in a rhythm, your body begins to relax and open up.  It has been my saving grace. And now I've discovered Zumba, which not only gives me a great work out, it also fills that part of my secret desire to be a dancer.  I feel like a different person.  I am not the same as I was before Luka entered our lives,  I am better.  I am wiser.  I am stronger.  I am more alive.  Luka has brought us so many gifts, and one of those amazing gifts, is the community that surrounds us.  I am so grateful for all the wonderful friends we have, and their love and kindness they have given us on this incredibly challenging journey.  And, as we continue to meet new and wonderful people, I give thanks to my little Luka, for bringing us friendship.  The best thing Michael and I did this summer, was stay in Chilliwack and be in our new home.   It has truly been a healing summer and as fall approaches, I strongly feel that we are beginning a new chapter in our lives.  I don't know what the future holds, and I'm okay with that. What I do know, is that it's going to be a good school year,  and things are only going to get better.  Yesterday, we climbed Elk mountain.  I hadn't climbed it in two years, just before I went back to school after Luka died.  It's not an easy hike and it is quite steep.  There are points you just want to turn back.  But you don't, because you know what's ahead. And reaching the summit and seeing the beauty is worth every step.  Sitting on the top of the mountain, with the sun so close, I know that Luka was with us.  It's been a long climb on our journey of grief, but I am grateful for all the lessons I've learned, and the love I have received.  Michael is making us pancakes and bacon, and in a moment we will sit down and eat breakfast.  We will watch the rainbow of light dance around the room, and laugh at Willow chase it. She may not be able to capture it, but we know deep in our hearts the dancing light lives in us forever.


  1. That is so beautiful, Wendy! It really mirrors the grieving path I have followed since I lost my mom - this summer was also my summer of healing - walking, yoga, slowing down & just being. Learning to trust the good in life again.
    Thanks for sharing.

  2. lovely piece Wendy - keep 'em coming, love Ronan from Dublin.

  3. Love it! Glad that the light is shining and that your heart is dancing. Much love!