Monday, October 8, 2012

giving thanks

Thanksgiving day, and the sun is shining.  Michael is playing guitar, while he waits for his bread dough to rise.   It's been an amazingly warm fall, and this morning we took advantage of this beautiful fall day, and hiked Teapot hill.  I've always loved fall, and this morning as I felt the coolness from the trees, and watched the sunlight dance in the coloured leaves, I thought of how we conceived Luka at this time of year, three years ago.  So much has changed and so many doors have opened since.  Last night we celebrated Thanksgiving with two wonderful couples and their children. One of the couples has a little girl, and is the same age Luka would have been, if she were still with us.  At first, it was hard to be around her, but I am now so happy to know such a bright, lovely, curious, and special little spirit. I truly believe that our meeting this lovely couple and their adorable little daughter was a gift to us brought by Luka.  As the months have passed, and as we continue to hope to conceive another child, life has lead us to many wonderful things I am thankful for.  Our home, our friends from near and far, our families, my loving husband who tells me I'm beautiful every day, (seriously, he does), my new found love of singing in a choir,  my addiction to Zumba, my little kitty Willow, good food, the sound of Michael's voice when he is singing, a wonderful creative class this year, my ever so comfortable bed, the ability to still cry when I remember my little Luka, and lastly, but most importantly, the opening of my soul to joy.   It's so wonderful to live life with my eyes wide open. To completely fall in love with my husband again, after being together for almost twenty years.  We've booked a trip to Hawaii for spring break, and we're thinking of Europe for next summer.  And if pregnancy happens, well, it will be a huge bonus.  Although I am disappointed every month when there is no positive sign,  I have decided, I need to stay positive.   I will keep on keeping on.  I will continue to have hope.  And I will continue to give thanks, for all that has been given to me, all that I have learned on this journey, and my little Luka, who has taught me that in the end,  love is all that matters. 

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