the beginning

October 4th, 2010
It's a beautiful fall day, and I have returned home from school.  It's my second week back at school, and last night I had a good sleep, so the day went smoothly.  I'm constantly reminded of Luka.  She's everywhere. She's in the laughter of the children and in the way the light comes into my classroom at the end of the day.  I'm also reminded daily of being pregnant.  She grew inside me for a whole school year, and it's strange not to feel her kicking or squirming about when I'm reading aloud to my students.  It's hard to see the mothers and the babies, and there are so many. When I see them I automatically think how unfair it is that I can't hold Luka and be with her.  But then I remind myself that she was not well, and she wasn't meant to be part of this world for very long.  I went for a run after school, and it feels good to get my heart rate up, and run with the wind.