Monday, October 4, 2010

out of nowhere

Here I am getting ready for bed, and running a bath and the memories flood in.  The hospital, the c-section, the ambulance ride and every feeling and emotion that goes with it.  At the same time, all I can think about is getting pregnant again, and we have to wait. Stupid c-section. And yet we would have not met Luka had she come naturally. She was breech and would have most likely died in birth, because she was not strong.  I miss her, and I miss the idea of her being healthy.  I want to hold her, nurse her, and be tired because she isn't sleeping.  But I keep on going.  Because I have hope, and I'm alive and I know she's with me. Someone asked me today if I have faith.  I have faith that life will answer the questions when I am ready, and that the universe will bring me joy.  And so I continue my routine of going to bed, and having my bath. Time. All I need is time. I just want to believe it.

2 comments:

  1. Keep writing, Wendy. These are beautiful.
    xo
    Leah

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  2. Wendy,
    I miss you so much! I wish that I could be there for you in person during this transitional time of your life... enjoying our latte's as we sit like cats in the sun! Know that I think of you often, daily even, and that I am sending you healing, loving energy. I have faith that you will be pregnant again and that you and Michael will finally be the parents of a healthy baby. I wish you all the best on this journey. I am so proud of you for being brave enough to share your story.
    Lots of love,
    Maren

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